RAperture Science

I know it's a little early to call it, but it IS Officially the 21st here, and I can't help but notice that I'm...

That's So Takei

So I'm pretty sure George Takei is my new Jesus.

Not that I was really doing much with the old one. He was just kinda sitting in the garage, collecting dust.

I am SO getting Left Behind on Saturday. ;P

-B3nny

Welcome Back!

    As a PS3 owner who didn't  have my identity stolen, I'm very happy about the Welcome Back Package that Sony is offering users. Of course, I'm always up for free games, and the bonus services sounds pretty neat. Again, I didn't personally lose too much from the outage, other than play time. (Which wasn't bad, because I've been mostly playing PC games these days anywizzle.) I'm sure there are a whole lotta people out there who are highly upset about losing their online time, as well as any personal information that may have been compromised. In all honesty, I am happy with Sony's reconciliation efforts. It would be all too easy for many companies in this situation to simply shrug it off as a loss, without thinking about the trouble it put their userbase through. But at least Sony put forth some effort in giving back to the people who support them. And hey any free game can't be all bad.

-B3nny L4v4

May the 4th be with you.

STAR WARS!!!!!!!
    Yes, it's that day again! Time to celebrate the fandom! Well, actually, it's ALWAYS a good time to celebrate Star Wars, but today we get a neat pun!
    So, in celebration of the day, I've decided to do a running commentary of A New Hope. be prepared for comments, insights, musings, and general fanboyishness!

-B3nny L4v4

Ghostbustin' a Nut!

 “He slimed me!”

The clock above the glowing fireplace read two o’clock in the morning. My tired figure sluggishly groaned as I stared at the luminescent television screen that tried to inspire me with show after boring show. It was that time of night where no matter how many channels you flipped through, nothing grabbed your attention.

Groaning in frustration between going to bed and wasting precious time, I sat up from the comfortable couch cushions and began to make my way to the bedroom. As I took the oh-so-famous walk of shame towards my bedroom, I hung my head in defeat. The boredom and nighttime anxiety had finally broken through my wall. Yet, like Gandalf arriving during Helm's Deep’s final hours, one word, one glorious word rallied my tired eyes to take up arms against the night. This word was, “Ghostbusters”.

With new-found meaning in the night, I charged the VCR player and prepared myself for one of the greatest comedies of all time. After an hour and thirty minutes of laughing, quoting and passing gas, the credits began to roll. I listened carefully to the final tune, and as the last logo crawled onto the screen, I grabbed my remote control and rewound the movie to the last scene. The mighty Stay-Puft marshmallow man was about to devour our heroes, but in a brief instance of pure insanity and ingenuity the impossible was done: the beams were crossed. The fluffy white exploded into a white, frothy inferno, and the day was saved.

I continued to watch this scene over and over again, looking at it deeper and deeper with each second that ran past my eyes. That’s when I noticed something; something was odd about this movie, something that I never had noticed before.

Ghostbusters is all about sex.

Now, before I explain this huge leap in logical sense, I know that some of you haven’t seen this movie. This is unacceptable; you need to go out to the nearest video rental store, or even better go to the nearest Wal-Mart or Target, and buy this movie. And if you don’t have the money, that’s no still no exception. You have to buy this movie.

One of the greatest movies of all time, Ghostbusters, is all about that adrenaline pumping, hormonal raising, baby-making, hot, heated process that most of us find exhilarating. This mating dance starts off with Dr. Peter Venkman, played by Bill Murray, experimenting on two impressionable college students. One of them is a male student trying to earn five dollars, the other one is a blonde heartthrob, whose ditzy ways entrance the Professor. This is where we get a small taste of Bill Murray’s character. Peter Venkman puts on his charm and seduces Ms. Blondie. His clever lines and contagious smile light up the screen, and we can see that he is doing a fairly good job at stirring some feelings into the young miss. We know so, because most of us feel the same way towards Peter Venkman.

Now everything is going according to Venkman's plan until Dr. Raymond Stantz, played by Dan Aykroyd, halts his sexual conquest (or, in layman’s terms, “cockblocks”) by telling him that an apparition has appeared in the library. Dr.Venkman, sexually frustrated, tries to tell Ray that he is in the midst of an experiment, but sadly, this course of action fails to work, and Ray drags Peter off to the library. Ray and Peter meet up with their fellow colleague, Dr. Egon Spengler, played by Harold Ramis, and, after a few short minutes of diagnosing the problem with some silly banter, the team goes down to the lower level of the library. Here, Egon and Ray notice that there is most certainly an apparition amongst them. Venkman, being the man that he is, shakes off their scientific language and remains aloof. That is, until our heroes find a quantity of ectoplasmic goo that has been spewed over a library rack. Egon, intrigued by the goo, tells Venkman to take a sample. With much groaning, Venkman stubbornly takes a sample of goo, or “ghost boogers.” These boogers, however, don’t resemble mucus at all. In fact, the boogers could be more comparable to semen. The material isn’t clear, and it isn’t a yellow substance; it has more of a white shade to it.

After collecting a small sample of the ghost sperm, Doctor Venkman and the gang try to make contact with this ghost, but sadly, since they have no way to contain it yet, the ghost gets the best of them. These guys don’t have a plan, and they have no idea how to contain this ghost that has appeared in front of them. So, after making contact, these boys run for their lives.

From our heroes running away, a few scenes have gone by, where Dr. Venkman and the gang proceed to purchase an abandoned firehouse. While Venkman and Egon are exploiting Ray’s inheritance and giving into Ray’s whims to buy an old fire house, we cut to a nice, quaint apartment complex. The ever-so-lovely Dana Barrett, played by Sigourney Weaver, saunters down a long hallway. It’s a nice place: lovely, snow-white walls, a nice stoney rug that would probably hurt when you slept on it, and the creepy neighbor from down the hall. That’s right, before she can make it to her door, the ever-presumptuous Louis appears before her. This pint-sized man with think glasses calls out for some sort of romantic engagement, which Dana turns down rather subtly. This creates a spark sexual frustration inside of our thick-framed nerd. He quivers and goes back to his apartment ashamed. Dana, however, walks into her apartment and starts to experience supernatural events, which consist of eggs frying on her counter-top, and the magical portal of doom and despair opening up in her fridge.

Now, all of these odd apparitions and supernatural events that have occurred thus far have been directly linked to a character experiencing some sort of sexual frustration or annoyance. The first ghost appeared when Ray stopped Venkman, and the second event happened when Dana turned down Louis. These ghosts have a connection to the pent up sexual tension that has been quite present in our characters' lives.

Our story continues when Dr.Venkman, being rather sassy to the newly hired secretary, Janine Melnitz, walks into his office. As soon as he departs, Egon appears from beneath the secretary’s desk looking rather awkward. The secretary begins the traditional style of flirting, asking the doctor if he has any hobbies. After the question is posed the phone rings, and after a few minutes, we see Dana asking the Ghostbusters, the new group that Egon, Ray, and Peter have formed, for assistance.

Once in the abandoned firehouse, Dana begins to tell of her story of a furious beast and the insidious frying of eggs. Now, as we have seen thus far, Dana is a very attractive woman; she has a beauty that most men and women would find appealing and Dr. Venkman certainly does. For as soon as she is done with her story of woe, Peter quickly jumps in to check out her place in hopes that he may finish this day with a happy ending, instead of actually trying to deduce her problem.

So Dr. Venkman, full of hopes and fantasies, rushes off to her apartment, where he makes some flirtatious gestures and clever, witty retorts. Yet, his usual seducation is failing at the moment, and Dana turns him down. His sexual conquest has been halted, and he can feel the frustration build in him more.

Peter, now filled with sexual energy, almost calls the next ghost into the storyline. While they are sitting in that abandoned firehouse, they get a call from the local hotel saying that they have a current ghost problem. Seeing this as an opportunity to leap out and conquer their sexual frustration, I mean, the apparition, the gang quickly rush off to the hotel.

Once they’ve arrived and acted like their witty selves (seriously, this movie is hilarious and all of you need to watch it), they find their second apparition, and the third supernatural event that has occurred in this movie. Ready to take on this ghost with their misshapen “guns”, which, in all honesty, can be seen as an innuendo for penis, they charge into the swanky place, ready to tame this frustration they have. This course of action, however, takes Peter Venkman getting slimed and a gross amount of property damage in order to contain this ghost. How do these guys contain such a thing? They contain the green ghost by using the streams that come out of their guns, aka masturbating. Before they actually capture this ghost, the boys are told that they can not cross their streams or bad things will happen. We are not too sure what sort of bad things, but bad things indeed (this sort of action is covered more in B3nny L4v4’s article)

After this encounter we cut to a montage of the gang fighting off ghosts with their newfound way of relieving themselves. When sexual frustration raises its ugly head, all they have to do is fire their streams at it and all is well. While the different shots to the famous Ghostbuster’s theme song go by, we notice that Ray has a very odd sexual fetish, which is that he enjoys ghosts a bit too much. Now, in the context which we are talking about, it appears that Ray gains some sort of sexual pleasure off of the other’s sexual frustration. Now, I know that this seems odd, but it just makes you wonder.

Following this great montage we stumble across Dr.Venkman dancing in the courtyard outside of a grand auditorium. It’s a nice little jig that features some sort of skipping action. He continues to dance until the beautiful face of Dana appears from the auditorium. She smiles and chuckles at Peter’s silly antics. They begin to flirt, enjoying each other’s company. Dana, finally falling to Dr. Venkman’s charm, agrees to go out on a date with him. This then sparks an odd sexual tension between the two characters; one that has not yet been seen in this movie. The excited Dr. Venkman rushes back to the firehouse.

Now, back at the firehouse, we see the secretary once again trying to hook up with the Egon, whose awkwardness makes this relationship a classic geek on geek relationship. During their flirting, Walter Peck walks into the office. Walter Peck is an environmentalist who wishes to understand the power supply of this place. Peter gives him some lip, and thus begins a conflict which will fall later on in the story.

Meanwhile, Louis, who is currently having a party, waits patiently for the lovely Dana to walk down the hallway. As soon as her footsteps are near his door, he steps out to confront her. With hopes high, he asks Dana if he wishes to come to his party. Dana shoots him down, however, by saying that’s she having a date with another man. This generates sexual frustration in young Louis. As we can see, a few experiences with sexual energy have gone down, which only means some sort of supernatural activity will ensue. Sadly, for Dana, she is the target of this next attack. For as soon as she stumbles into her room, the evil demon-dog known as Zuul sucks her into a closet.

After Dana has become demon dog dinner, we skip over to Louis’s party, where a very sad, bottle-glassed geek sighs. This is until a blond bombshell asks the accountant to dance with him; this interaction sparks some more sexual tension in the room, which results in his own demon-dog showing up on his bed. He proceeds to run for his life, and hilarity follows him.

Cutting to Peter walking towards Dana's apartment, we see a smile on his face and a bouquet of flowers in his hands. Knocking on the door, the sultry Dana opens up the door looking more stunning then ever. She asks him if he’s the “Keymaster”, which can be easily translated to “penis” once again, for she is the Gatekeeper, an obvious metaphor for vagina. Venkman denies that he is this Keymaster, which results in the door being slammed in his face. Then, out of curiosity, Peter lies to the possessed Dana and gains access to her apartment. Now Peter is fully aware of the odd sexual tension that is being thrown at him by this demon-dog-possessed woman, and he can’t satisfy her. There is really one thing he can, do and that is to call his buddies to make sense of this situation.

Meanwhile, thanks to the sexual tension between Janine and Dr. Egon, the now demon-dog-possessed Louis winds up at the Ghostbusters door. Now, during this mess, we begin to see Walter Peck, the man I mentioned before, come more into the picture. Since neither of these characters can relieve themselves of this sexual pressure that is building, there seems to be a slight build up in the pressure of the movie.

This moment is when Walter Peck stumbles into the room and makes his way downstairs to the mighty contraption that has kept all of these apparitions at bay. Feeling the need to power this sort of device down, Peck proceeds to destroy the very thing the Ghostbusters have used to relieve their sexual anxiety. Once he destroys this, all of this sexual energy results in an explosion, or a climax, if you will, that releases all of the sexual frustration that has been hidden away for so long. In this moment however, Louis and Dana somehow are able to find each other in this mess to summon the biggest sexual frustration of the all, Goozer.

Our heroes, after going through some shenanigans dealing with the Mayor, prison and the like, march their way into battle towards Dana’s apartment. Once they climb the mighty steps of the building, they confront the mighty Goozer, who happens to take the form of the mighty Stay-Puft marshmallow man. In order to defeat this creature, they have to cross their streams, something that is never to be done. So once they do the unspeakable (testing out a new field of sexuality), the Stay-Puft Marshamallow explodes and sprays white goo everywhere. Let me repeat that: after the Stay-Puft marshmallow man is attacked it explodes into white goo. Now, if I have to explain the sexual part of this, then one probably should repeat a health class.

All of the Ghostbusters are covered in this white goo, except for Peter Venkman, who has a small bit on him. He was not relieved of his sexual tension, which is why he was able to stumble across Dana, the woman who he fell in love with.

This final scene thus wraps up Ghostbusters, and shows that we probably need to take a look at movies a bit closer, because we may never know what sort of sexual theme might be hiding underneath its white layers of fluff.

-The Geekfather  

B3nny's General Update

     Hey, sorry for the long span with no posts. It's been a period of transition for me. But I do have some good news, as well as some... neutral news.
The good news is, we (I, especially) are working on having more regularly updated content on here, was well as a regular weekly podcast. (Woo!)
The other news is that I'm not going to be doing Phat Lootz as a webcomic. At least not right now. I'm taking those characters elsewhere. But I promise, they'll be around!
   So, hopefully, this will be the first of a VERY long series of fairly frequent posts. YEAH!

-B3nny  L4v4

Phat Lootz Sketches #1

No comic today. :( Too busy with other stuff. Maybe later this week. For now, trying out a new art style,

feedback encouraged. ^_^

Phat Lootz #1!

Sneak Preview: Phat Lootz

Webcomic! Yeah! Twice a week (hopefully), a poorly-drawn webcomic about a party of adventurers will be featured right here! Drawn (poorly) by me! And written (no comment) by me! Woo! Let's have a look at our heroes!

Belching is his Daily.

These guys are in for some (hopefully) hilarious antics, as well as some pretty dangerous situations.

I know, guys. I'm scared, too.

-B3nny L4v4

Charlie Sheen is living in a Fantasy world.

    Don't let the title make you think it is going to be a diatribe against Sheen. Far from it, in fact. The word "Fantasy World" aren't meant to imply that Sheen has allowed his ego to change how he influences the real world. They really mean FANTASY world. As in, magic and elves and shit.

     I made my regular stop by my favorite websource of anonymously generated content, only to find a thread about "Sheen's Korner" on ustream. Baffled by the tagline "You're either in Sheen's Korner, or you're with the trolls" I felt the need to investigate. Commentary on the quality of the... program aside, I couldn't help but notice a motif within some of his comments. He referred to himself multiple times as a "mad genius" and a "warlock", and used the term "magical elixir" to refer to one of the several bottled fluids he was ingesting during the live stream. Given this information, I have come to believe that Charlie Sheen is crazy in a way nobody may have thought of before. I think he really perceives that he is living in a fantasy setting. Now, you're probably thinking that I'm over-analyzing his comments, and the tagline of the show refers to this kind of troll:

But I believe he's really talking about this kind of troll:

-B3nnyL4v4

Trying to post something daily from now on.

>Charlie Sheen on ustream
>Refers to himself as a "mad genius warlock"
>wtfamireading.jpg

Also, as the title implies, we're going to be trying to post at least something on here every day starting today, just to stay fresh. We're currently working on larger projects, as well as new installments of current features. Stay tuned!

Nerd Rage Episode 1!

We podcast! We get mad! We resolve our anger through intelligent discourse!

Podcast Powered By Podbean

Jon Stewart: From Geeky Stand-Up to Most Trusted Broadcaster in America

 

(Pictured: Not Jerry Seinfeld)

        It’s been almost 6 years to the day that I made a discovery that shaped my teen years. I was alone in my room, flipping through the channels, when I found, on Comedy Central, Eric Idle being interviewed. I watched, excited to see a member of Monty Python on anything, really. I made a note of the name of the show, and made sure to watch it every now and then.

        That show? The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Nearly 6 years later, it has become an integral part of my week. I still marvel at how such a simple concept – making fun of the news – has been able to amuse, inspire, and enlighten me for so many years. The show has won multiple awards and critical acclaim for years. It’s easy to forget, however, that the show’s main goal, as stated by Stewart and the producers on several occasions, is to be funny. It doesn’t promote a specific political agenda, and it makes fun of both parties (albeit not necessarily equally).

        What makes the show work? Admittedly, the show’s writers aren’t always given enough credit, but much of the show’s power comes from the charm, intellect, and humility of its host. Jon Stewart is, unlike hosts of other politically themed programs, incredibly open-minded, polite, and intelligent. He always treats his guests with the utmost respect, no matter what their profession. Over the years, he has had authors, actors, athletes, strategists, members of Congress, and even Presidents (with Barack Obama becoming the first sitting president to appear on the show back in October). When politics is the topic of discussion (as it often is, but not always), he doesn’t simply shout his ideologies over his guest. Rather, he sits back and listens to their points, acknowledging their good points and raising relevant (and/or humorous) questions. Clearly, being a loud hothead is not required to get ratings for a talk show. Being a handsome political geek will suffice.

           As not everyone might know, but several could have guessed, Jon Stewart used to be just another stand-up comedian. His act typically was a bit more political than the average comic, but not completely dominated by such material. Also present was his self-consciousness, pointing out weird things in particular deliveries. He got his break in television, however, in perhaps the most unlikely place: MTV. Jon actually was on two separate shows on the network, neither of which lasted very long. However, Jon had enough of reputation that he was rumored to replace David Letterman and David Snyder on their respective talk shows. He even had the honor of interviewing George Carlin in 1997, where Carlin left him with these words:

“It’s been great to get to know you a little, and you are gonna show us a lot, and I look forward to it.”

       Armed with these words, Jon Stewart proceeded to become the most amazing man in America.

Stewart has been hosting The Daily Show since 1999, and he hasn’t looked back since. Aside from hosting a Peabody-award winning program, he also might have single-handedly brought down CNN’s Crossfire. In October 2004, Stewart was invited on the show to promote America: The Book, and he proceeded to absolutely destroy the program… right to Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala’s faces. You can watch the interview here, but be warned: Jon Stewart’s balls are impressive. In January 2005, CNN announced plans for the show’s cancellation, citing Stewart’s comments as part of the reason. So, just a recap: a comedian called a “serious” news show out on its BS, and within months, it was canceled. Commence awe.

       More recently, as you know, he and Stephen Colbert held the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear in Washington D.C. Attendance was more than double that of Glenn Beck’s rally, but what I found most amusing was how confused news pundits were by the event. A lot of networks didn’t know what to make of it, and weren’t even sure of its purpose. While Stewart admitted that he can’t control people’s perception of it, his intent was to make sure voices that weren’t the loudest were heard. The rally was, more or less, a response to the hyperbole, spin, and sensationalism the media presents, in regards to everything.

So, just a quick recap: interviewed one of the greatest stand-ups in history, berated a program producing incendiary shouting matches (and arguably caused its cancellation), and got over 200,000 people to attend a rally in our nation’s capital. Anything else?

        Oh, yeah, he’s largely responsible for the health care of the First Responders to 9/11.

Stewart and The Daily Show’s writers don’t miss much. So it makes sense that they discovered the Republican filibuster of a bill that would provide health care to First Responders. Literally none of the news networks reported anything on it. Let’s look at that again. Actual news networks completely missed the filibuster of a health care bill that would aid national heroes. There is a great possibility that this bill would have died in Congress. Meanwhile, in New York City, The Daily Show team jumped into action. In December, he invited a panel of First Responders on the show, and devoted an entire episode to discussing this bill with them. Stewart increased public awareness to the filibuster, and, wouldn’t you know it, the bill passed after all. In response to his role in the passage of the bill, he was chosen to be on the 9/11 Memorial Board.

       Not bad for a Jew from Jersey, eh?

(Also, he’s hosted the Grammys and the Oscars twice each. What what?)

-Gandhi McFly

Geek Poetry Corner: Gravity

We geeks aren't all about games and science. We can be artistic, outgoing, or even poetic. We want to showcase all forms of geek culture, so here's some Geek Poetry:

"Gravity"

Your love is like gravity; it tears me apart,
it holds me together, it tugs on my heart.
You and I are like stars in a system, bin'ry:
I orbit 'round you and you orbit 'round me.
But if a red giant passed by, we'd see
that you'd orbit 'round him, and forget about me.
With no-one to love me, I'd float to and fro.
In short, you're a bitch, I just want you to know.

          -B3nny L4v4

Gaymers Pt. 1: "The F-Word"

    Homosexuality suffers from an alarmingly small representation within our subculture. Often, what little notice it does receive is decidedly negative. Although the most common examples of this phenomenon are usually infantile diatribes you might hear over Xbox Live or, God save you, read of 4chan, they mark a decidedly negative stigma toward gays in out culture.
    It may not be intentionally malicious, but the overuse of hateful language toward homosexual individuals, especially the word faggot, belies a prejudice in what is otherwise accepted as a predominantly progressive and forward-thinking subset of society.
    Naturally, this is a big topic to tackle, one that touches on everything form the psychology of our language, to the role of self-identity. I'n not quite so arrogant to think that I could properly address this wide-ranging subject in one installment, so I'll be splitting it up into smaller, more manageable discussions. The first of which is, well, this.

"The 'F-Word'"

    I'd like to start off by saying that I despise the phrase "The 'F-word'". It's an entirely irresponsible use of language, and has no place in adult vocabulary. It sits on the same plane as "the 'N-word'", both of which are immature uses of language to express an idea without taking responsibility for it. Comedian Louis CK makes an excellent articulation of this in his stand-up.
    The word faggot is used all to commonly among the userbase of many online games and forums. Whether it is used out of ignorance, or just for pure shock value, homophobic rhetoric has overtaken much of the social aspect of online culture. Regardless of its intent, most can agree that this type of language has no place in our culture. Unfortunately, effective means by which to eliminate, or at least limit its use are yet to be discovered.
    Anthony and Ashly Burch (Creators and stars of Hey Ash, Watcha Playin) had a very interesting discussion about this methodology in HAWPcast.
    Basically, the direct approach has been tried before here. And it has failed. Over and over. The basic problem with engaging the community on such a divisive issue is just that, the community. Gamers represent such a  large and varied portion of the population that any one stance on a given issue will never be able to reach everyone. Regrettably, it really boils down to something that Penny Arcade addressed back in 2009.
    In the long run, is homophobic rhetoric a significant issue for gamers? Yes. IS it something that we need to find a way to deal with as a culture? Absolutely. Is it something that we can come by easily? Hell no.

-B3nny L4v4